I question how deep to go, but the changes have been huge.

I was writing a lot of personal history, for my blog here, and decided to save it for a while. I don't know if I want to be that revealing.

But anyway, things are really changing. I look different, feel different. I have been going through a continual process of intense personal transformation going on three years now.

Just in really broad political/philosophical affiliation terms:

2000 I voted for Bush, because basically as a born again Fundamentalist Christian he was the only choice. I almost voted for Keyes though.

2004 I voted for Nader, I was planning to get divorced and no longer a Christian, even though I was still going through the motions. I had been a pretty serious Christian too, I went to Bible College, preached sermons, helped feed the hungry, clothe the naked etc. I am not making light of it. But it wasn't just a passing phase.

by 2005 I officially broke with and left my wife, my faith, my home and went to Madison Wisconsin. My political interests were basically surrounding The issues of 911 conspiracy and Green anarchy/Peak oil collapse of Civilization. I was into John Zerzan and also David Icke. Basically I read everything those two guys ever wrote.

I volunteered for a while at the Madison Infoshop, didn't get too deeply involved but I did have a fairly popular blog "Free Range Organic Human" that at its peak was getting about 200 hits a day. Not huge but, a fairly big market share of the kind of politically fringe demographic it appealed to.

I've kind of reject that stuff kind of like I rejected Christianity and like my feelings toward Christianity, its not that I think this stuff is stupid.

But basically, I relate the turning point to an experience I had on a shamanic journey, where I was transformed into a dragon. To be so steeped as I was in David Icke and also Christian Theology, this was a powerful and troubling experience. But what I think it is is that my psyche was revealing to me an apect of myself I was rejecting and needed to accept and integrate.

Because in the David Icke view of the World, the dragons are the bad guys, but what does that mean if I am a dragon? Now I want to say, I wasn't totally sold on Icke, in a literal sense. I alternated back and forth as to the literalness vs. Metaphor of what he was saying, but still I knew who the main people he was focusing on were. All these conspiracy theorists are talking about the same people, they just don't call them lizards. They are the "Powers that Be" "Global Elite" "blue bloods"

So I got this idea, that, what if, secretly, I am one of these guys? What if I have this reptilian DNA? What if I am some kind of sleeper or something?

So I started to look at it from the other side. I started trying to see things from the reptilians perspective. So I got into reading Leo Strauss, The so called "God-Father of the Neo-cons" I read Nietzsche, I studied the Eastern Sea board Establishment, skull and bones, Nicholas De Vere, but from a sympathetic point of view.

Nietzsche more or less spells things out, in terms of the "Servant morality" and how the down trodden (or people who perceive themselves that way) view the world differently than aristocrats and how aristocrats are much more self affirming and positive in how they view the world.

I actually relate this to primitivism and how aristocrats actually have more of their primitive tribal type drives more intact and that the domesticated working class people are the ones that are so much more distorted. But Icke, so inculcated with the servant morality can only see powerful people as monsters.

But anyway that is a whole book right there, but basically, This is what led me to self improvement, personal achievement. I am no longer seeking to lose myself inside some greater thing, these things are mostly all projections anyway. I don't think what I am saying is that I should be totally selfish. I think I will have a contribution to make to the greater good. But really I am making peace with the World, peace with myself and doing this, while still really seeing things as much as I can for what they truly are.

So its been a hell of a trip.