Conan Revisited

I realize it might sound silly. Its probably a bit juvenile. But my goal was to look like Conan the Barbarian, through reprogramming my nervous system in such a way that my body would begin producing mesomorphic traits.

In the eight circuit model of consciousness, Wilson uses different terms, but basically, the first circuit, the bio-survival circuit is associated with the endomorph body type. The second circuit is the dominance and territoriality circuit which is associated with the mesomorph body type. The third circuit is "reason" and that, though not explicitly stated in "Prometheus Rising" I associate with the ectomorphic body type. The higher circuits of consciousness are not associated withy any type of build.

Also, in the book, the first three circuits are seen as being a bit robotic. None of them are really idolized as being ideal states. So I am thinking in some ways my take on "Prometheus Rising" my seem a bit shallow. You would think I would focus on the higher circuits, which actually I was but I was using the meta reprogramming circuit to reprogram my two lower circuits.

Basically though, what I was doing without realizing it, was reprogramming myself to be much more of an ectomorph, throwing my system out of balance. This was first of all an intellectual exercize. I am living a very secluded, private life, with large expanses of free time in which to think. It's the kind of life that ectomorphs often set up for themselves. Basically my job is to be a room mate for a guy that has a brain injury. His injury is not really that severe, so he doesn't need intensive care, just kind of needs somebody to help him out a bit. He works in the morning, so I have mornings off, also I get weekends off. So basically, my life revolves around reading books, taking walks, writing and surfing the internet. I spend most of my money on books, art supplies, aquarium supplies, and gourmet food. I can't really say at this point camping and the outdoors is a major part of my life. Last year I camped out I think five times.

Pretty quiet, safe life. Good set up for working on writing. In a way I think my body is a bit like water that shapes itself to its environment. I like to eat so I got a bit fat, besides the eating part, pretty extreme ectomorphic life. Not real social. Very mental. All I really did in my expiriment is to do some calisthenics and try to develop skill as an artist to try my hand as a fantasy illustrator.

So I never really got outside my head. I kind of looked at developing my drawing skills as a war, like I was doing battle, so I generated all this heat to basically do pretty tame things, like lay across my bed and sketch. But I worked pretty hard at it for about a month. I did some shadow boxing and calisthenics. I debated some people on the internet. I develped more assertiveness in casual interactions with mostly strangers. I cultivated my appearance more. I tried to aproach problems with more of a fight response than a flight response, or with a response of comforting myself with food.

But at the end of the day, my basic life did not change. I began developing insomnia and aggravated my long term problem I have had had with ibs. I burnt myself out. The frustrating thing is that I burnt myself out before getting to the point of accomplishing anything. I burnt myself out learning how to draw and overtraining! Its not like I got burnt out making money as an artist or running too many marathons. I didn't get anywhere! But I still over did it. I wore myself out.

I began eliminating more and more foods and obsessing over my diet and my symptoms began getting worse and worse. I continued to run and work out even as I felt worse and worse. Basically, I was ignoring the feedback from my bio-survival circuit. When I just said screw it and got a pizza, I opened myself up to that feedback again. The feedback told me to relax, first of all. Also that I need to stop obsessing over my diet and that I need more social interaction and that I should start dating. I have a need for physical affection that I am ignoring.

So basically, I need to adjust my plan. I don't think my goal was that bad. But my life is basically designed to continually reinforce my ectomorphic tendencies. I need to get out more. If I want to be muscular and assertive, I need to engage in adventurous activities and competitive sports. I need to be more social. Whats the sense of being muscular and assertive and spending all my time inside reading books or on the computer?

Also, the blend I have of endomorphic traits isn't all bad. It kind of mellows me out, gives me a sense of humor (which oddly I do have but doesn't come out in my writing) makes me more engaging socially. Endomorphs have more of a baby face, which isn't all bad. Pure mesomorphs, look like they are 35 when they are teenagers, ectmorphs are usually more or less expressionless. So really to have a bit of endomorph in there is not a bad blend. It kind of smooths over the hard sharp edges.

I think the real gains in personal transformation would be for me to work on ways to de-emphasize the more ectomorphic traits, but not declare war on them, like I was doing with my endomorphic traits but rather to bring them into balance.

I feel I am too private, to in my head, too risk averse. But its not like I want to be totally boorish and unintellectual. I need to get all these diverse parts working as a unit. Get enough sleep like endomorphs do, be social. Also like a mesomorph, be adventurous, be assertive and independant live an action packed life. Then like an ectomorph, have self discipline, be aware of the details and be able to write about it.

Putting it all together, I think a lifestyle of going on solo wilderness adventures,writing about them, philosophizing, and coming back to civilization in order to have deep conversations with interesting people, over great food, woulod be the ideal life. Putting some type of competitive sport in there would be good too, which I would also write about.( good example is the book "A Fighter's Heart") Interspersed in there would have to be some intense short term love affairs or somtning as I move from port to port, until I finally settle down with a woman I love. (The relationship thing opens up a whole other can of worms, though I tend to be a person that either gets married or doesn't date at all, perhaps I need to broaden my options a bit without being, for lack of a better word, kind of a pig)

Its a good picture that is taking shape.