4 mile run today

I am trying this thing with food combining, not eating meat and starch together. I think its helping a little and my insomnia is a little better. I mean I got probably six hours of sleep.

So Feeling horrible and then feeling a little better doesn't mean I felt great today. I felt like going back to bed, for my time off from eight to one, but I didn't, instead I forced myself to go on a four mile run. I didn't feel like running, but I just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. Then once I was out there, I thought, "Why run like I am dragging my ass here?" So I picked up my stride and ran with better form. I began to realize just how powerful my mind is and how I am not using it to my best advantage. I have been using it like a break. So I was struggling to turn the breaks off and just commit to running. I realized that the only reason don't just run my ass off here, is because I am thinking I can't yet. I have this belief that I am not sufficiently in shape and that I must run slowly for a while first.

(One mental note here. No more cursing in this blog. Its common and lower class and that's not what I am about.)

But really that's ridiculous. I could run a lot faster than I was and and only by forcing myself to run fast will I get better. All trudging along accomplishes is the strengthening of my trudging muscles.

So I fought this battle for a while, this battle of my mind and pushed myself and finally the trudger won out, I trudged the last mile or so, and then I walked the rest of the way. I am not giving up. I am going to keep at it. I ran about four miles on a 6 mile loop and walked the rest. I could have gone back to bed, though.

One thing I didn't do is drink coffee. I want my will to carry me through my efforts and not artificial stimulants.

This is a tough battle though going on in my mind. I have achieved kind an equilibrium, with under achievement. I have gotten comfortable, coasting through life, while day dreaming all these great things and never bringing them to fruition.

So I got on this kick of doing these various things and now I am meeting resistance. So I have to double up my efforts to get over the hump and I will.