So anyway, I am doing a 30 day trial of being a "dark worker". Somthing is happening. This corresponds quite nicely with my expiriment to lose weight by reprogramming my nervous system. I've been up going on 36 hours with no sleep except for a quick nap. Plus, after being up all night, writing and sketching and planning, I spent today exercizing, doing push ups and dumbel curls and jumping rope. Plus I did some more sketching. So I think its safe to say I have more energy.
Then a little bit ago a felt kind of sad, like a little heart pang. I mean, I dunno, won't my heart eventually shrink or somthing? I mean the further I go down this path the less loving I will become even as I become more powerful. Is that how it works?
I consider myself a loving person. But as I go through life, as I get older, "saving the world" just isn't doing it for me. I want to get mine. First of all, who the fuck knows what the world needs? Some of these prople that seem at first to be the biggest idealists, on further inspection look at the world with a really jaundiced eye. Its envy towards the powerful really, I think that drives them rather than love for the so called "oppressed."
Plus, I like being in control of myself. That has been a theme for me these last few years. If I were to be motivated primarily by love, and a desire to heal the world, or whatever, I would be controlled by that. That would choose for me. I would be all about what the world needs instead of what I want.
I am going after what I want. I don't plan to step on people to get there, but I think the best way to put it is like this. Going after what I want, looking at life as a rather hedonistic adventure, is what gets me out of bed in the morning.
This,I have learned about myself, though this 30 day trial. And it feels good doing things for me. Meeting challenges I set for myself. I might even statrt to train in MMA. I mean if this other expiriment works, and I reprogram my nervous system to manifest traits of the mesomorphic body type and the accompanying behavioral traits-
What will I do with all this muscular energy?
Truthfully, I really did feel like getting in a fight this afternoon. I felt that good. It wasn't any kind of a anger thing. I just want the challenge. I watch UFC. I am a big fan, why not train and do it? I mean for the experience? I don't want to be a professional fighter, but why not trian and have a couple fights?
Like this Guy Sam Sheridan.
I feel great. I feel more alive than I have in a long time.
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4 comments:
I'm interested in your dark worker trial and the specifics of what you are doing in your meta-programming. Good luck with it, Ted.
Cadeveo
Cool.
I'll be posting more stuff tommorow.
you're an idiot and don't understand the concept. Perhaps you should investigate the possibility that you're not part of the 1% the lightworker/darkworker concept of polarization is aimed at
Its funny that you have to be anonymous to say that. Perhaps you are of the high percentage of people that has no balls?
I dunno. But anyway This is an old post and I later came to fully understand the concept better than Steve Pavlina seems to understand it. I just wrote this post on another blog.
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