Why I often maker things ten times harder than they are.

Why do I make things harder than they really are?
I often generate all this emotional heat in order to motivate myself to do simple things, then I end up wearing myself out and being less effective. Then after a while I recover, and hit it again generating more emotional heat and intensity, which more or less has the same effect. Picture this: A guy getting ready for a fight in the octagon, getting himself all psyched up, smacking himself in the face, jumping up and down, yelling, getting a crazed look in his eye, then he rushes out into the octagon, and there is a table there with a plate of butter and a butter knife siting next to it. So he grabs the knife and cuts the butter. Then collapses from exhaustion. That’s me.

Why do I do this? I think I don’t want to admit that life is a lot easier than I let on. Being a fairly attractive, intelligent, outgoing talented person, things should come to me fairly easily in life, and they will, just as soon as I am ready to let them. But throughout my life I have created a series of mountains out of mole hills. I have done this to myself and it makes me feel kind of foolish.

So what do I do? I invest even more effort into making these mole hills a lot bigger and badder than they really are. So then after I do that, I generate this heroic effort in order to over come them. Its like I stand there with the butter knife in my hand, and pretend my other hand is some evil force trying to prevent me from cutting the butter. I imagine the free mason’s conspiring to prevent me from cutting the butter. So I struggle like that for a while, going back and forth, taking shots, getting some shots in. Then I finally cut the butter, or almost cut it, maybe cut half way through it and then collapse.

So I am going to walk up and cut the butter, without fanfare. I am going to use my considerable natural talent to be a successful artist. I could have done this right out of highschool, you know the place I went to where all these hot cheerleaders were practically throwing their panties at me, to get me to date them?

I could have had sex with hot cheerleaders. I am not kidding. The two hottest cheerleaders in the school wanted me. But once again, I had to make things ten times harder for myself, then they really were. I had myself convinced that these hot cheerleaders didn’t really like me, that it couldn’t possibly be true because I was a nerd.

I almost became a starting football player, but I hit a mild setback and just folded. But really though, these cheerleaders with their blonde hair and tight, hot little bodies, didn’t care about that. They saw something else in me, so even after I was a bench warmer, they still were after me.

So I’ve just blown a lot of opportunities in life, and they keep coming and I blow them again, and they keep coming and I blow them again. But I just need to accept that these are opportunities that I am getting handed to me because I am blessed. I have a high IQ, above average looks and lots of personality, and considerable creative talent.

Its hard to admit that I have had a lot of things handed to me in life and that I just keep fucking up and wimping out. But that has been the case. I have come up with some really elaborate explanations as to why things are otherwise. But they are all lies.

So I am going to calmly walk over and cut the butter with the butter knife. There is no one conspiring against me and its an east task to perfom. I have no doubt that eventually I will be presented with more serious challenges, but for now I am going to accept the easy ones and go from there.